i can’t get over the fact that i have different sized eyes. what have i ever done to deserve that?! (don’t answer that)

i was meant to go to gothenburg tonight but i can’t afford the train ticket and i just can not be arsed to get caught and get an 80 quid fine. yes i know, i am changing - a month ago i went to varberg/gothenburg all the fucking time never worrying about the inspectors, haha. but also, i really don’t feel like going out! at all. so instead me and caroline are going to agnes’ house in lund where we’re having dinner and wine. and discussing the election! it’s only 16 days to go now peeps! VOTE OR DIE.

as you all can see i’ve given up on the ghetto me and is now back to using make-up and straightening my hair. atleast for tonight, haha. tomorrow i’m going to ‘farmers’ day’ with my sister and her 3 children. and i can not wait! it’s me and the farmers… me and the farmers!

my birthday is coming up in less than a month.

stepmother: what do you want for your birthday sandy?
sandy: well. i’m going to the dentist tomorrow and they will most likely pull out a tooth since my gum is fucked. then i’m gonna need braces. again. and then i need money for vaccinations too ’cause i just booked my ticket to south africa.
stepmother: silent.

EEEHHHHHHHEHE.
i just spent £900 on a flight ticket. i have never spent as much as £900 on anything before, in my life (apart from a chanel purse… but my mother paid for it so it doesn’t count).

I GOT MY TICKET TO SOUTH AFRICA! DONE FUCKING DEAL, IT’S PAID AND I’VE GOT MY TICKET!

i’m so happy right now that i just reactivated my fb account. haaha. when my father asked me this morning if i’d booked my ticket yet i realised he wouldn’t disinherit me (slash hate me for the rest of his life) if i had. a lot of people have argued that going to south africa will be bad for me since i haven’t got any self control to resist ‘fun times’ what so ever. it’s true; i don’t. although what i lack in self control i make up in controlling others, haha, it’s my specialty. but the thing is, i don’t even miss the ‘fun times’. fun for me today is not going out being smashed 24/7, it’s studying human rights. i’m doing it on my spare time for god’s sake. i didn’t get into uni but i’m still going to the library reading student literature. surely that must say something about me moving on. yes. i think it does.

and i’m going to AFRICA, with JANA!
this is too good.
now all i have to worry about is the vaccinations. jana claims i won’t need any (clearly, she’s african) but i think i do (clearly, i’m swedish). and i have to look up volunteer organisations! aahhhahhaha i’m SO EXCITED. I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M ACTUALLY GOING.

i’m going to africa. fuck my two years in london, this is gonna be the adventure of my life!

woke up, checked my email, had a cup of tea. still ill. but instead of acting like a stupid fucking teenager going back to bed and being pissed off i figured i might as well down some more tea and do a bit of reading. truth to be told, that is the one and only thing that can give me any excitement in life at the moment. everything else bores me to death. i’m not sure whether this is good or bad, but one thing is for sure and that is that i have never been this asocial ever before. i look at people and think ‘what a waste of fucking space’ and can’t even bother to talk to them. they’re simply not worth it.

i sound like a bitter old nag. and i feel like a bitter old nag too.

what’s worse is that i don’t care.
haha.

yesterday i wrote jana a long email; i was really upset (as fucking always, jesus, i need to get over myself already!) and i woke up to find the longest reply ever in my inbox. and i feel slightly happier/less miserable. i remember when i told jana i’d been fancying her for years, haha, well not exactly years but very much half a year. ‘YOU’RE NOT EVEN GAY, YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING JOKE’ i screamed at her, hahaha, what a mess! we we’re standing outside joiners screaming at each other and jana screamed back ‘OFCOURSE I’M FUCKING GAY YOU IDIOT!’ people were staring. and wonder why. hahaha. it makes me giggle when thinking of it but it sure as hell wasn’t fun at the time!

i got to know jana at a very strange point of my life, when i didn’t talk to anyone, i was just walking around the streets of london like a fucking zombie. yes, i went out, yes i said ‘hiii love hoow are youuuu’, but i didn’t say anything of any importance to anyone but jana, really. we would stay in for days, which seemed like a very long time when you’d normally be out 24/7, and hold each other. sleep, eat and talk.

i can not believe i’m going with jana to her home town in south africa. how. weird. i have met her mother, who is lovely, and apparently her stepmother is reading the blog (HEJ!) and i am very nervous, haha. apart from thailand i haven’t even been outside europe!

if someone had said to me that jana would become one of my best friends and my supposed girlfriend when i first met her i would have laughed and said ‘aahh yes AS FUCKING IF’, haha. the first time i met her was at an afterparty at pablo’s, she went up to anna and said ‘eer… why are you still here?’ WHAT a bitch, not very jana-esque at all. the way things turn…

it is often the least likely person to understand you that actually does.